Having a Baby

Sometimes your toddlers behavior gets a little out of hand. This can be tantrums, hitting, yelling… I am sure you have a full list of items you could add. As adults we can (or are supposed to be able to) maintain a level head and deal with problems as they arise without letting ourselves get out of hand. Your toddler has to learn this skill as well and I find that time outs give me the vehicle necessary for this valuable life lesson.

I think we started using time out at about a year old. Some may argue that this is too young or too old, of course there is a counter argument for everything, but that is when we started and it has worked like a charm.

What is a time out for?

A time out can be used whenever there is a situation that needs discipline. It removes your toddler from the situation and gives them some much needed breathing room. A (very poor) analogy is a fight in hockey… the two players fight and the fight escalates until the referees pull them apart and put them in time out, I mean the penalty box.

Some things that we have used time outs for are: shouting, tantrums, not playing nice and not doing what they are told. The last one is mostly used on older toddlers, once they begin actively listening and doing.

Another benefit of a time out is for you… it gives you a brief respite and lets your calm your nerves as well which will help you deal with the situation better. From my perspective, it is win-win.

Time Out ABC’s

Now that we know why we would use a time out, I am going to tell you how we do them, your exact plan may differ but this has worked very well for us.

Remove the toddler from the situation, even if you have to physically pick them up while they kick and scream.

Place your toddler in the “time out chair”. We generally use the same chair for this each time. We push the chair away from the table so there are no distractions… no toys, and if the TV is on turn it off.

Sit or kneel or crouch down to eye level. Keep calm and tell your toddler why they are in a time out and how long it is for. Start doing this from the very first time you begin using time outs. Set a timer that they can hear and let them know that when the timer sounds, the time out is over but they have to wait for you to come and get them.

Once the timer sounds go to your toddler, do not delay… it is important that your toddler does not learn that when the time goes mommy or daddy might come. That might teach them that you do not mean what your say and reduce your effectiveness… maybe, I am a parent not a psychologist but to me it sounds reasonable that this may occur. The points is that when the timer sounds you have to go to your toddler.

Again sit, kneed or crouch down. Your toddler will listen to you more if you talk to them on their level. Imagine a 14 foot giant hovering over you telling you that you did something wrong? Eye level… it is key. At this point ask if they know why they are in time out. When they are younger they may not really be able to articulate it but as time passes they do start to associate behavior to results. If they cannot explain it to you tell them again (remember we already told them when we started the time out procedure).

Finally tell them they can come out and give them a BIG HUG. Love is like food to toddlers and they need to know that you are not still mad at them and that life is just going to be fine.

When you first start time outs your toddler may find it difficult to do. They may start banging something, getting up from the chair or crying. This is normal and part of the process. Do not coddle your toddler at this point. If they get up from the chair, put them back in it without talking to them. If they are crying, let them cry. I know it is tough to do but if you coddle at this point you have lost all effectiveness.